Mutha Magazine Author Z |work| -

I was wrong. Motherhood isn’t an addition. It’s a liquidation.

Before I had my daughter, I thought motherhood was an addition. You add a baby to your life, like a new wing onto a house. You still have the old rooms—your career, your marriage, your ability to finish a cup of coffee—they just have a new hallway connecting them. mutha magazine author z

Mutha Magazine is a publication focused on the complexities of motherhood—the raw, unfiltered, funny, painful, and real experiences that often get left out of the glossy parenting magazines. I was wrong

The turning point wasn't a yoga class or a “self-care Sunday.” It was a Tuesday afternoon at 2 PM. My daughter was finally napping. I hadn't showered in two days. My hair was in a knot that required scissors to remove. I sat on the couch and instead of crying, I just… laughed. A dry, cracked, ugly laugh. Before I had my daughter, I thought motherhood

Motherhood, I’m learning, isn’t about balance. It’s about learning to live in the wreckage and finding that the wreckage is actually just a very messy, very loud, very beautiful new kind of home.

I realized I had been mourning a ghost. That woman at the dive bar? She didn't die. She transformed. And transformation is not polite. It is not pretty. It is a caterpillar dissolving into goo inside a cocoon before anything useful emerges.